Open Question: what does it mean when you hang your self in a store cuz they don’t have your size?

I'm in my favorite clothing store that sold plus size clothing but the company stopped making the plus size clothing there and after racing around the store trying to find my size i got into an argument and then hung myself in the fitting room with a pair if tan paints with a pocket on the side of the leg for some reason the pant just stand out to me the problem i have is i have had the dream every night for the last year or so and it doesn't upset me but it does upset me that i doesn't upset me. i am a plus size woman and not finding clothe that fit frustrates me since i cant seem to lose weight so I've accepted who i am. i have contemplated suicide in the past but i have been better (i am receiving help) this is my last resort so some suggestions very much apprecated